Friday, February 11, 2011

Lifetraps


This book... has changed my life.

Forever.

Truly.

I know there are heaps of self help books out there but this one is 'the bomb'.... well for me anyway.

Some books only deal with one specific problem, others only use one means of change, others are just damn inspiring but this one is a new therapy for changing major life patterns. The authors call these self defeating behaviour patterns "lifetraps" and have identified 11 most common lifetraps, how to recognise them, understand their origins and how to change them.

They write:
"A lifetrap is a pattern that starts in childhood and reverberates throughout life. It began with something that was done to us by our families or by other children. We were abandoned, criticized, overprotected, abused, excluded, or deprived - we were damaged in some way. Eventually the lifetrap becomes part of us. Long after we leave the home we grew up in, we continue to create situations in which we are mistreated, ignored, put down, or controlled and in which we fail to reach our most desired goals.

Lifetraps determine how we think, feel, act, and relate to others. They trigger strong feelings such as anger, sadness, and anxiety. Even when we appear to have everything - social status, an ideal marriage, the respect of people close to us, career success - we are often unable to savour life or believe in our accomplishments".

I tell you, when you are rock bottom and stripped bare and you first identify with your lifetrap.... OMG, OMG, OMG......everything falls into place. You finally know who are and why you are who you are....

I think that you have to be defenseless in order to accept your lifetrap... which is very confronting.

I recently threw this book at my husband (literally) and when he identified with his lifetrap, he sat down and wept.

It's rock bottom stuff.

So there you have it... this book and me... onwards and upwards.

I treat that sweet little girl I was, back in my childhood, with such tender love now.
It is a great place to start.
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PS. I was ripped off paying $30 for it at a local bookstore. You can get it for $16 through The Book Depository, with free shipping worldwide. It's where I get all my pretty house/design books for next to nothing :)

40 comments:

  1. Based on the positivity I have been hearing in your posts, this book is definately working :)
    I love the comment about treating the sweet little girl from yor childhood with love now. I agree, it's a great place to start.
    Have a lovely weekend A-M :)

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  2. Oh my goodness A-M, I'm working through several chapters of this book at the moment and like you, can highly recommend it.

    I've designated one Lifetrap per month to work through [optimistic?] and have been intrigued with what has broken through already.

    Good on you for sharing this title, it really is a 'goodie',

    Felicity x

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  3. sounds great A-M..we can all learn alot about ourselves no matter what age we are. Have been so flat out lately havent had time to think so must invest in myself and grab that one (gotta love The Book Depository), Mel xx

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  4. I think I need this book. Wish I knew of it years ago - thank you!

    Hope all is going better in your world, floods and other stuff.

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  5. I'm so glad you have gotten something so positive out of the bad that has happened recently. I will check it out.

    It takes a lot of strength to turn something so sad into something that helps you.

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  6. I need this book too! As much as I do try to support local businesses, I do buy all my books from Amazon for the cheaper prices - your tip is even better with the free international shipping. Thanks for sharing all of this. x

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  7. Glad the book is working for you and it shows through your positive posts. I must check out that tip as I have been using Amazon mostly. thanks. ;-)

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  8. Great recommendation. Wow, it must be quite a powerful book for your husband to react that way. I find that all the men in my life hate to reflect and address any issues in the past. It goes under the rug so to speak. Drives me insane. But then again I suppose we all have our issues as well. Confronting them is never easy. My sister and I use wine to cope so perhaps this book would be better!

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  9. Thanks for sharing about this book, I'll have to look into it..we can all use some self help. You almost made me cry with the line about treating you little girl self with tender love now..that's something we should all do...it'd be nice to go back and tell my little self that everything will be fine and that she is loved and to hold her chin up :0)

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  10. Thank you for your tip. Have put this on my list of books I need to read one day and at $16 it is a bargain - have already put my order in. I have heard this is an excellent book to read not only for helping ourselves but also helping identify life events that shape our children.

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  11. Dear sweet A-M, thank you, thank you for sharing. Life is such a learning experience & any knowledge we can gain about ourselves to enable us to become better people and, above all, to understand why we are who we are, is so welcome. Don't beat yourself up about paying too much for the book. I look at it this way, if it's been as life-changing as you say, it's worth every penny. It's also an expression of gratitude to the author(s). Some wise person said: "Whenever you have to outlay money, whether it be for a bill or whatever, say to yourself I'm glad I CAN pay this bill, & I do so happily. I know it will come back to me tenfold." This works with kindness to others as well. Di xox

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  12. You have sold me on this book. I just clicked over to my local library and ordered it up.

    Thank you for telling us all about it.

    Adrienne

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  13. This rings so true...thanks for the recommendation.

    My SIL has been telling me how good The Book Depository is too.
    xxx

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  14. Thanks so much for sharing...will keep an eye out for it.... you're sounding well :-)

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  15. You are an amazing woman. Your strength just shines through in this post. I am definitely ordering this book as well from The Book Depository. I have used them in the past and highly recommend their service.

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  16. Even at $30 sounds a whole lot cheaper than therapy!! Love Posie

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  17. AHHHHHH! it was all sugar and spice till that last sentence heeheehee!!!!
    youre a card :)

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  18. Book Ordered. Thank-you, it sounds like just what I need.

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  19. Amen to that Sista!
    Millie xx
    P.S. You showed great restraint at chucking just one book, I wanted to bury mine in concrete under the entire Library!!

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  20. Oh, A-M, good for you. I'm so delighted you've found such a helpful book. There are so many on the market and finding the right one is a blessing. Oh, and Abe Books is selling it for less than $10! See http://www.abebooks.com.

    BTW I always check book prices on www.booko.com.au before buying - use it and you'll never look back ☺ J x

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  21. My friend gave me, from what I can make out, a similar book to yours, it's called 'The Secret to Life" written by an Australian lady who lives not far from me.
    When she gave it to me, I felt a little insulted, as if to say she thought I was depressed or nuts!...
    I can't begin to describe how this little book has helped me in so many ways. I've just lent it to my daughter and now feel a bit panicky because it's not within my reach, it's like a security blanket to me.

    I'm glad to hear you're look after sweet little A-M, don't forget to kiss her goodnight, give her a hug each morning, take her out for a bit of fun and a laugh each day and congratulate her for her achievments!
    Last of all make sure she has a happy weekend, Gail

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  22. Sounds interesting- glad it helped you.

    Book throwing can be Therapeautic in the extreme. x

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  23. You only threw a book? The day I finally left my husband I threw a frying pan at him. Lol felt so good at the time but I guess it wasn't a very nice thing to do.

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  24. Wow A-M, I sure can use this book. Thank you for sharing it with us. Since my Mum died just over a year ago, I just can't get on track. Take care Mimi xx

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  25. BEEN SLEEPING A LOT AND NOT KEEPING UP WITH YOUR BLOG. IT'S THE DRUGS DOING IT.
    EBOOKS ON KINDLE ARE ONLY $9 IF YOU CAN GET THEM.
    GREAT YOU FOUND A GOOD BOOK.
    STILL THINK YOU NEED A BIT OF TLC YOURSELF
    LOUISE

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  26. Hi A-M, good on you (in true aussie voice!) for throwing your husband the book!!! You know, i dont know what has happened in your life, but i kinda guessed that your husband has hurt you.. Men are just children at times (most of the time!!) Lucky for him it was just a book, and what looks like an awesome book at that! I am travelling to scotland tonight and was looking for a book to read on the flight, I am not really into fiction, but self help, that is me... i feel that as long as we live we will never be our perfect self and we need to keep growing and learning and improving... I hope this book helps you, I hope they have it at the rubbish perth airport book store!!! I hope it helps me with my many many issues!! god knows, I need it..! (feeling better now that i got that out!) Hugs to you and your gorgeous sons! (who will love us forever - to the moon and back!)
    Laura c xx

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  27. Well judging by your posts in recent weeks where there is an increasing optimism shining through your words, I'd say that is recommendation enough. I'm glad this has so resonated with you and I'm tempted to grab a copy too.

    I heard the phrase 'be kind to yourself' (not too dissimilar to the message you describe) several years ago and it had a profound effect upon me. I'd been so busy just *being* someone to everyone else around me, those 4 words made me realise that if I was just a little kinder to the main protagonist in all this, not only would I be a whole lot happier and fulfilled but that it would probably have a knock-on effect on others around me too. And it has.

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  28. I agree that sometimes you need to be broken open to start again.

    All our love and support for your journey xx

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  29. Sounds like a very pwerful MUST read. Thank you.

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  30. I soooo understand what you mean by Lifetraps. It can be a small incident that can perpetuate a lifetime of learned negative behaviour. I mentioned you today in my blog. I'd lead myself into a trap big time this week.
    http://littlemissairgap.blogspot.com/2011/02/this-week-im-grateful-for-my-hubby.html

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  31. I love self-help books, and this one sounds like it has been a great help to you. It is always worthwhile to hear things said in a different way, so I'm up for reading it! xx

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  32. I know that book. Is enlightening.
    Thank you for its inspiration every day in my life. God bless you and your family. In the other side of the world, count on me.
    Nádia
    nadiafariasantos@yahoo.com.br

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  33. I am a great believer in books like this although many scoff! I always say that if you take just one thing from them then it's been a very worthwhile investment. The book that did it for me many years ago was Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. As you say A-M, onwards and upwards..it's what we women do :)

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  34. You sound so very positive A-M. Glad to see you looking forward. The book sounded so interesting I went on a hunt for a copy. I discovered that at betterworldbooks

    I could get a used copy for 12.23 US free postage. It will take a couple of weeks to get here though. Looking forward to reading it.

    Betterworld books are great. They donate $ towards literacy programs in developing countries for every book sold.

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  35. I must admit - I did have a bit of a chuckle at the thought of you "throwing the book". The visual I have is - "Wham! - book hits ? in side of head....hmm(? says) rubbing side of head and picking up book...."Reinventing Your Life" - (cartoon lightbulb appears above ? head!!) REVELATION! Good for you A-M. You have been on a giant learning curve of self-discovery. I am a strong believer in finding a "positive" from every "negative" that happens in your life and you have done just that!
    A true LIGHTBULB moment.
    ;)Sharyne
    PS - Please excuse me - I think I must be suffering some sort of post cyclone stress!!!

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  36. It sounds like a very good book. I think these books are quite good at articulating what we suspect is wrong and giving us some ideas for how to work around them, maybe even fix them. My husband hates self help books, but he has nothing to fix! I had to work through my horrid life to ensure I could settle down and be the mother I am. It was painfully hard but thank goodness I did it. Otherwise I'd still be wandering around in the unconscious stupor I was in wondering why my life was so empty, why I was so sad and angry. I strongly agree with the part about not being able to appreciate yourself and your life until you work this stuff out, it's so true. It's almost like you can't feel happiness even when you are in fact very happy. You're on the right path, no doubt. And I'm glad you threw the book at him..he he..Rachaelxx

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  37. Throwing things can be life changing on it's own :-)
    Am so pleased to see you working through some heavy stuff. You'll come out the other side glowing!

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  38. I discovered this book last year and, like you, found it completely life changing. Identifying your life trap (or traps) is the easy part, breaking the patterns of behaviour they create is a different story!!! I'm still working it. I truely wish you all the best.

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  39. Thanks so much for the recommended online bookstore! I am addicted to architecture books and found quite a few I've been wanting for awhile there. Prices were reasonable but free shipping took the cake! I'd better hide the AMEX statement from hubby though when it arrives!
    Thanks again AM! x KL

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  40. Oh A M thanks so much for this post I so need to get that book I know I have a few issues I need to break, sorry you got riped of with the price will go take a peek at the Book Depository its a great web site hey!! :)

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Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave me a comment. I love hearing from you. A-M xx