Friday, September 9, 2011

Honestly?



I want to be honest with you. I have been doing it tough behind the scenes. Some days are harder than others. Yesterday was hard. There... I've told you. I feel relieved. I share so many things with you, I just need to let you know that I'm like everyone else and sometimes things are tough. BUT, I look around and I am so grateful for everything in my life.... my boys, my family, my friends, my work. There are so many so much worse off than me. But in my little world I have been struggling.

Yesterday, this beautiful gift (above) came to me just at the right time to totally brighten my day and give me some strength to tend to my day.

I had been searching for Bill for a while. He has not been in his usual spot. That generally means that he has been troubled. I drove up and down the streets near his 'spot' yesterday, just after I'd dropped the boys off at school, determined to find him. I was worried. It had been weeks. I found him wandering along with his trolley. He was in a bad way. It was distressing for me to see him suffering.

I sat down with him and held his hand. He was very quiet so I shared my heart. I think that helped him to know that he is not alone and that everyone feels pain in some way. I also handed over the backlog! of art materials that have been waiting for him, that you have so kindly sent in. I will email you individually to let you know he received your things.

As he unwrapped one box, as well as a card for Bill, we also found a card for me!!! from the lovely Sharyne from the blog, 'All My Love'. Sharyne wrote the most beautiful words to me. They brought tears to my eyes. And she painted me this gorgeous painting. My heart stopped when I saw it. Painted for me with love. It made my day and came just at the right time for me. It's so bright, and colourful and happy. I have it right in front of me now, on my desk, reminding me that there is sunshine in every day and that the world is full of beautiful people. Thank you Sharyne. Please visit Sharyne's lovely blog HERE.

And this blog of mine, it's what makes me bounce out of bed in the morning... oh and of course my beautiful boys. Even just writing a few words of waffle to you each day makes me feel connected to you all. Thanks for your friendship everyone. You give so much back to me. You reach out to me, write to me, email me, leave me comments, text me, call me and I am just so grateful.. for you.
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PS. I feel a bit guilty that I have not been visiting you back and commenting on your blogs. To be honest, I just can't manage it at the moment. I am so appreciative of all your comments. Thank you. xxx

57 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you found Bill, and that you too received a gift that lifted your spirits! The painting is beautiful!

    I can tell you that I think of you often, yet I don't get over here and leave comments as much as I would like. I can very much relate, sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day, and not enough strength in this old body of mine to make it happen! Just know I am here though if you ever need me!

    xoxo Kat

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  2. What an amazing post. Everyone has bad days and by reading your post made me feel better. THank you

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  3. So sorry to hear about your struggles, having a husband who suffers from depression, I can understand a bit about what you have been going through.
    I am a relative new comer to your blog, so I don't really "know" you that well, but what I see here when I visit is a warm kind hearted woman. You seem to look for the best in people and that is a great quality, your compassion for those less fortunate than you is humbling and affirms to me the beauty of humanity.

    Thank you.

    Take care of your self and your lovely family.

    Tanya
    xx

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  4. Sorry to hear things are tough right now. We do all have those times and I know it's hard to share them on a blog but you do have your gorgeous boys and lots of supporters. Hugs and better days will come for you! x

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  5. It's been such a huge year for you and the boys A-M. And not always easy - life is full of ebbs and flows - and the important thing is to feel the emotions and work through it all - we become stronger from what we endure - even though it is tough enduring it. Just take small steps and be gentle when it is hard - and you will get through it and see the sunshine. xxx

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  6. Dear A-M Quite honestly - you are one of the nicest people I have ever met. Your sincerity, humour, love, compassion and infectious spirit ooze from your blog every day. You honestly deserve nothing but good things in life. Keep smiling - keep believing.....
    So pleased to have been able to bring a little sunshine into your (and Bill's) life. {{hugs}}Sharyne

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  7. Hello A-M

    You are that angel in life for Bill aren't you - he is so appreciative of you.
    And - what beautiful painting you received - who wouldn't benefit from that gorgeous colour every day to light your life from Sharyne - Her work is so beautiful and I will be sure to visit her blog and say hello.

    A-M your heart is hurting, and you say you are struggling - I am so sorry for you. You know I am.

    I know you will shine again soon - I know you will shine so bright and you and your boys are going to show us those funny moments of "no-arm" wrestling, lizards etc., again, very soon.

    We all love seeing you on your blog everyday.
    We tune in each day to see you
    and A-M that means warts and all - that means you are human. We all bleed and hurt - and now you are hurting and we hurt for you too.

    Know that your blog is your voice and if you don't feel like "talking" somedays - that is ok - you don't owe us an explanation for anything. And IT IS NO BODY'S BUSINESS just yours and no one else's.

    Take care and you know our unspoken words always,
    I am here for you.
    I am sure there are many other supporters here for some positive thought too.

    big hugs

    x
    Loulou

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  8. Just stumbled across your wonderful blog and started reading, and your story about Bill caucht my interest. I had to link surf back to the beginning to read the entire story. I hope he is well, and I love his artwork and especially his bottle vase =) Hope you both feel better by now.

    xox Linda

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  9. Hey isn't it amazing how things happen at just the right time...I love your painting.

    Take one day at a time ... which you do, notice the small things that bring light and love into our lives...which you do. You are such a caring lovely person.
    xxx

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  10. I hope today, is a happy day for you A-M. Mimi xx

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  11. Tears rolling down face... it is only 8am in the morning.. such a beautiful story.... how amazing of you to share it... I think that takes real courage... so often there are so many blank blogs that a merely pictures repasted from another.... keep it going... fabulous!

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  12. well, I think you are amazing A-M, and I just wonder whether your love and support for Bill comes back at your 10 times, like yesterday? it's an interesting perspective on those who give to others selflessly. I am just in awe of your tenacity, despite your ups and downs, and tbh, I find you inspiring. It's a bit corny, I know, but I do. I'm sorry you were down yesterday, I really am. Maybe the downs are what give us the ups, I don't know...
    xxxxxxxxxxx
    BIG HUGS TO YOU!

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  13. Anytime your up for a coffee just yell. Sandy x

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  14. Just reading all the above comments I really have nothing new to add...other than to say I hope to day is brighter than the next. Pain is like the tide...let it come in, then let it go out.
    blessings to you A-M...

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  15. Hang in there. Enjoy your friends and your boys.

    Yesterday my son's tennis coach opened up to me. He lost his daughter in the tragic Sydney harbour ferry accident 4 years ago and the death of the 14 year old Sommerville girls this week brought it all back to him. Sometimes life delivers us blows that we will never truly recover from. We just have to get out of bed each day and keep going.

    One of the things I love most about your blog is the way you write about your boys. It reminds me to be grateful for my kids and to love them.

    Sincerely,
    Kylie

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  16. A-Me you know how I feel darling and you know I'm here.
    Pain engulfs us all at different times in our life and we can do nothing else but rise above it the best way we know how.
    Sharyne's painting is divine and I know you will cherish her beautiful thought.
    xxx

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  17. Unexpected gifts are the most precious don't you think? And even more so when they're received at the right time and given without any reason other than to lift someone up. There's a lot of good karma around it seems :) Struggles seem to be nature's way of making us stronger, more compassionate, wiser...even though they suck at the time! Hope you feel better soon.

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  18. Dear A-M, so sorry to hear it has been a tough week for you. Sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved, just know there are people there for you. I have gone looking for Bill a couple of times to give him some art supplies but could not find him. May I send them to you to pass on to him? Di.

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  19. A-M, there is a saying that a problem shared is a problem halved, so surely with you sharing your thoughts with all of your readers, your problems are shared 100 times over and with this theory you hopefully feel 100 times better having written this post. xx

    - Andie @ Starts with Cupcakes

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  20. sending loads of hugz from down here.
    take care of you and yours.
    cheryl xox.

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  21. *hugs* text, email or call me if you want to catch up and chat with lots of calories involved.
    xxx

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  22. Hope you find some peace and get through this. xo

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  23. Hi A-M,
    Wishing you a much better day today. I came across your blog a couple of years ago at a really really difficult time in my life and found you so inspiring and your sense of humour really uplifting. I wish for you a weekend surrounded by those that love, uplift and inspire you so that you can get through this tough time. Take Care A-M Cheers, Robyn

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  24. Sending my love and support your way to you and your gorgeous boys xx

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  25. Hi AM,

    Was wondering about the silence on twitter and so sorry to hear about your tough times!!

    Reading all the gorgeous, beautiful insightful posts that you write each day, one tends to forget the daily struggles of being a mom, wife, woman, friend...

    I hope things get undercontrol soon... we all come here because your blog is gorgeous. If you need a break from that, or need to slow down a bit, no explanations are needed.

    Will be around when you return 100% in the meantime love and prayers and wishes.
    xx
    Siddy
    www.SiddySays.com

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  26. So sorry to hear you are suffering A-M and so proud of you for still looking out for other people. You are an angel and sometimes you just don't know what an amazing effect you can have on people. If you are in hell, just keep going.

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  27. Much love to you A-M...I'm sure everyone understands that sometimes it's hard enough being there for yourself, let alone other people. I love checking in every day to read your blog.
    Am so glad you managed to find Bill! And Sharnye, another sweetheart!

    I won't promise to paint for you, but once I move (next week), maybe we should have a little bloggy get together with coffee and cake on my front verandah so you can all tell me what on earth I should do with the inside, after all the wonderful gardening and external advice!

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  28. AM...I think part of what helps you stay strong and keep on solidering on is your selflessness and how much you give and help others. You are a strong soul...although I know you may not feel it at times and I know that you will always rise above.
    Sometimes its important for us to allow ourselves to feel lost and alone....so that we can appreciate and embrace the days when we feel found and supported.

    Sending bigs hugs your way lovely x

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  29. I am new to the blogger world, but in the short time that I have been enjoying your blog. I have found that there is so much love extended to you from many others.
    It touched my heart that even in your times of struggle, you took time out of your day to still help someone else. Keep smiling, there is a lot of love out there for you. x Jode

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  30. I think you are a beautiful soul A-M and I hope you find solace in the other beautiful souls you connect with every day.

    The Universe has been speaking to you a fair bit lately too I notice, so to be open to this is the best you can be. Cherish your gifts.

    That painting is amazing and would surely banish any sads.

    xx

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  31. Hello Beautiful A-M,

    I'm so glad you were able to tell us how you are feeling.I think I speak for everyone when I say we just love and adore you. I hope you don't ever feel like you have to put on a brave bloggy face for us. I so wish I was close enough to give you a big hug. Thinking of you and sending all my love.

    Kel x

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  32. Hi hun, so many lovely comments before and they are all so true.

    I'm so glad you found Bill and could share. Friendships, wise words, comfort and all those good things come from sometimes the most unexpected places I find.

    Thankyou for shaing the joy, achievements, general life, beauty and the hard times with us. I'm sure we all feel so honored.

    Take care and demand lots of hugs from your gorgeous boys of yours. xxK

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  33. Dismiss those guilts about the lack of bloggie visits immediately dear AM, we love you for what you give us through your beautiful blog, not by the number of comments you leave. You continue to amaze me by your lovely optimism so early into your healing process. You are allowed to have a miserable moment every now & then, I'd be ever so worried about you if you didn't. I have to share the room in 2 weeks with That Other Husband at Son #5's engagement party. All the sons are running a book on how long it will take me to have a verbal swing at him. It currently stands at 20:1 for 3 minutes. None of that sweet 'our divorce was amicable' for moi, even after 22 years.
    Millie x

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  34. Always thinking of you A-M. Sending you lots of hugs and all my love xo

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  35. You are such a kind and generous soul A.M. What goes around comes around they say...so a gift to brighten your day was meant to be. Sending you big hugs XOX

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  36. You're blog is such a positive part of my day and it's so obvious that it's the same for everybody else. Thanks for your honesty, it takes courage to be authentically 'you'.
    Hope you have a lovely weekend :)

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  37. I'm hearin' ya! Life throws us the most difficult challenges at times, but only because the universe knows - those challenges will take us closer to fulfiling our real purpose as a result of them. You're doin' real fine A-M and you're making others people's lives better along the way.

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  38. Thank you for all your beautiful comments. They have been a great comfort to me. I have retired to bed early with a monstrous head cold. Your encouraging words will bring me sweet dreams. Thank you. A-M xx

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  39. Hi lovely - I know even writing this is a big step for you. You should be proud of yourself for opening yourself up. But you are sharing with people who love you and care so much for you. You are never alone - we are all here to hold your hand on tough days. You deserve nothing but peace and happiness. If I can ever help -even just to vent - please ask. Big hugs:)

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  40. A-M, I know when we share our feelings we feel better and make people feel good too, because you are trusting them.
    Hope you find the right people to talk to and to help you.
    Have a good weekend.

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  41. So sorry to hear life is tough for you at the moment. However, as so many people have commented, you have an amazing strength. Also, you have your gorgeous boys at your side, and SO MANY other people who truly care about you. Your description of your talk with Bill really touched me, and I sincerely hope you both felt a wee bit better afterwards. So glad that Sharyn's lovely painting brought some sunshine into your life. You certainly deserve it.

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  42. Hi A-M
    I just wanted to say it's Ok for it to be all about you sometimes Yes there's alot worst off but let it all out feel sorry for yourself you'll be suprised how healing it is. Then it will be easier next time.
    Kind Regards
    Karen

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  43. I only started following your blog recently but love the way you openly cherish being a mum to your boys. Putting them first is always the most important and sometimes hardest job in the world. I wondered if your boys would enjoy geocaching which our tribe has just discovered recently. I have just done a blog post on it if you want to pop over and take a peek. melx

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  44. Never worry A-M...we know you are reading along and wishing us all well. You take care of you first because it's when we can't read your blog that we all begin to worry.

    Lots of love and hugs to you and the boys this weekend. Thinking of you.....

    XO,
    Andrea

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  45. Hiya A-M,

    Good on you for fessing up about coping or not, and feeling absolutely miserable at times,and wondering about the whole damn thing.

    I am sure we ALL feel like that more than just occasionally. haven't we all just overloaded ourselves so much with too much to do and too much responsibility? I'm sure all this stress and pressure stuffs up vital hormones that regulate moods.

    I bet finding Bill shook off some of the blues though!
    I can relate to that, I seem to have "adopted" a similar unusual friend as well.

    Love
    LOU

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  46. Oh Sweetheart. Feeling for you. Thinking of you. Emailing you now. J x

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  47. More sentiments that blogging is the best therapy ever!! What a way to share our lives, interest & gifts, love Posie

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  48. Hi AM
    Have been following your blog for a while, I find it so inspiring and beautiful. I'm not sure what your struggles are but I find the words of a wise philosopher helpful at these times: "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" (Dory, from Finding Nemo). Hope you're feeling better soon x

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  49. A-M Ive been mai lately been back to the states for my new grandaughter's birth , I was home a week and had to go back my Mom passed away. So much of my spring/summer was spent back there. Not that I mind , have been getting back into the swing of things back here at home. Reading thru the comments today I agree with Millie when I see my ex its a 50/50 how he will be (big mouth) I still keep the peace and dont let him get to me for the kids sake. I think its good you allow yourself to feel how you feel, thats important, its a new life for you afterall, I went thru good times and bad times also. Seeing women at the grocery store shopping for a family used to make me sad. Silly but true. Sounds like you have good friends and family, and of course all of us here. I pray for your happiness and being able to be yourself. Your boys are adorable and you are lucky to have them. Your oldest is looking so "young manish" lately wow! Growing like a weed. Please take care of yourself all my best wishes coming your way........ Julie in Holland xo

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  50. I know how it feels to be down and to receive a gift unexpectedly which just brightens up the spirits. I love the painting and it's brightness would cheer anyone up A-M. Hugs from another devoted reader! You do and inspire so much. Take a moment to realize how much you do for others and maybe you can see yourself through our eyes and smile just a little.

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  51. lovely painting. what a sweet gift.
    sending you a hug my friend. if you don't need it today then please save it for a day when you need one extra;)
    xoxojoan

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Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave me a comment. I love hearing from you. A-M xx