Thursday, March 15, 2012

It Is Not OK

I am wearing orange tomorrow to show my support for #saynotobullyingweek ....which is this week.

I am wearing orange tomorrow to let my bully know that it is not ok.

It was not ok for my bully to ingratiate herself into my life, when I was vulnerable last year, then take the information that I told her in confidence, and use it against me.

It was not ok for her to create a fake blogger user ID and post under this fake ID, on my reader's blogs, vile comments about me and my family.

It was not ok to use this fake ID to post vile comments, on my blog, about my beautiful children and their relationship with their father.

It was not ok to use her family connections to dig up legal financial records on my husband and use these to insinuate shady dealings, in comments on my reader's blogs.

It was not ok to post loaded aggressive tweets about karma and defamation …..once she realized I knew it was her (I knew it was her as I told only her these things in confidence.... that she then used in comments, via the fake ID, on my and other people's blogs. There is no-one else who knew this stuff, except for my Mum… but I guess my bully didn’t know that she was the only one who knew these things, which would allow me to easily identify her… slight flaw in the bullying plan).

It was not ok to scheme behind the scenes to turn it all around, to make me look like I was the bully.

It was not ok to NOT respond to my direct emails and comments to her about her being my bully.

It was not ok to use overseas bloggers to contact my blog friend and threaten her into revealing my bully's legal name..... in order to set my friend up for defamation and make it look like my bully was not her, but someone overseas.

Everything my bully has done to me this past year is not ok.

She is a bully. 

Say NO to bullying. It is not ok.

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78 comments:

  1. Oh AM! That is absolutely terrible. How predatory of that awful, awful person. Proud of you, of your strength and your determination. What a fantastic role model you are.

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  2. I am so sad that on top of everything else you went through last year, you endured a bully as well. It is NOT okay. And I'm so happy when I read how well you and your wonderful boys are doing.

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  3. You have the power A-M!!!
    Love you more today than yesterday.
    xx
    H

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  4. Amen to that A-M. i will wear orange today in support of you and to say no against bullies whatever disguise they use. Cathyxx

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  5. well!!! No one should be subjected to that behaviour! I'm so sorry you had to endure that A-M.
    It's prevalent in schools to so thanks for the reminder....Orange it is.

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  6. Oh A-M, I had no idea how much you had been tormented this year.

    Good for you taking a stand.

    I think we are so conditioned to think of bullies to be the providence of schools that we sometimes forget that adults are just as capable of such despicable behaviour.

    The rise of the communication era has made it so much easier to be anonymous and nasty.

    I use this poster in the classroom as well as at home with my kids, it is a great reminder that once said on the web it will be there forever.

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/79287298/Before-You-Fb-Txt-Tw-or-Blog

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  7. Amen! How will our kids ever learn if the adults can't even get it right?

    Lovely to meet you yesterday, A-M.

    M
    xx

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  8. Oh A-M you poor thing. I had no idea these things happened to you. Some people need to get a life don't they. Thank you for continuing with you beautiful blog through these hassles. 99,9% of us appreciate it!
    Best wishes
    Fiona

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  9. Holy crap A-M, she sounds like a real piece of work. Best she's out of your life. FOR GOOD! These people are out there taking advantage of other people. I had a similar experience (not blog related) a few years back and there is one trait about these types that drives them... they are inadequate and insecure and do this to make themselves feel better about themselves. What they do says far more about them then anyone else. They are bottom dwellers and aren't worth the time of day
    Take care
    Lesley
    xx

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  10. Oh NO! That is so absolutely horrid :( :( :( I can't stand bullies. They make me mad. I hope I have never made anyone feel like I was being a bully. I love your blog, I love how you are such a great Mom to your cute boys and I have been SO proud of you for the way you never mention what is going on with your husband. I wouldn't mind at all if you DID talk about it but the fact that you don't so as not to say anything bad about him here is just awesome. I am so so sorry you have had to deal with a bully. I hope she goes away and stays away. That is just nasty.
    hugs sent your way!

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  11. I am so sorry you have been through this.

    And you are right. It is NOT OKAY.

    Isn't it sad how adults are capable of such vile, childish, spiteful acts. I have one too. Except the words she took and twisted were her own, not mine. She lied, stalked, isolated and very nearly broke me. But she didn't succeed.

    And now everyone knows about her. A few still believe her victim act, but not many. And they will realise one day as she turns on them. As she has me and multiple others.

    Karma is a great leveller.

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  12. Oh my goodness! It is definitely NOT ok. I'll be wearing orange too.

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  13. Wow, I am really amazed people can be that nasty. What did it achieve? You have to wonder...

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  14. I don't have any idea what this is about but I can only say it is totally not okay.
    This is not the first time I have heard about bullying on blogs and I just don't get it. Why are people so awful out there? Is their life so terrible that they can think of nothing better to do then hurt someone else?
    I enjoy blogs and am so happy that people choose to share in this forum. I learn about decorating, dieting, books, fashion and sometimes a little about a bloggers life. I am so thankful bloggers give of themselves freely.
    Why I would take that information and use it against them is something I will never understand.
    I hope your bully feels terrible but I am sure he/she won't, they never do.
    I never once got that you were nearly broken so they never truly got your spirit or your soul. You always seem to be the most upbeat person I have come across. You have amazing children and what appears to be a terrific family.
    Love and big big hugs from me to you. MB
    And this is me sticking my tongue out at your nasty a** stalker!!!!

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  15. Also jealousy is an ugly trait and your bully is very jealous!

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  16. Wow! That's up there on the richter scale of bullying. I hope she leaves you and your family alone and concentrates on doing something positive instead. Take it easy! Xx

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  17. Whaaat?? I really hate you had to deal with all that vileness especially at a tough time. So impressed you are holding your head high. You are made of incredible stuff A-M.

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  18. WOW! I had no idea you were dealing with this. How horrible. Thanks for bringing this to our attention, we got your back. Hang in there. Love, Heidi

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  19. I would like to say I am amazed, but sadly I am not. What I am however is very very sorry this happened to you. And I feel sorry for the person who spent so much time doing this to you, when there are so many wonderful causes in the world where they could spend their abundant spare time. Your are more powerful than you know A-M...and I believe what goes around comes around, threefold!

    xo Kat

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  20. AM - karma fixes all things in the end. Take care honey x

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  21. whoa! what, when? man I had no idea that kind of stuff actually goes down. that all sounds like a nightmare darl!! so yes, more orange and more power to you A-M xxx

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  22. Good on ya A-m for standing up to your bully. This day is also a great reminder to be aware of your own childs behaviour, bullies have families too, we need to be aware of how our own children interact with others. Bullying can be so subtle too, I experienced it at my old workplace but it was done out of site of others, such as having my work redone by her and after having my hair fall out and in tears most afternoons I finally quit. Like I say well done for standing up to your bully A-M, I now wish I had.

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  23. My goodness what a time you have had........def. good on you for taking a stand and saying NO! We have no time for bullies, either online or in real life. Hope you smoke her out.........stay strong and determined! KG xx

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  24. I am shocked to find out about your bully. How sad her life must have been to do that do you. She should really get a life of her own.

    B

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  25. I am impressed that you have weathered all this A-M. How sad your little bully is, to waste so much of their life trying to bring you down. Its really a pity because after the challenges you've faced, and the character you've shown through your blog, I know that one pesky bully will never get the better of you. Good on you for taking a stand. Its not okay to endure these things in silence.

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  26. Dear me A-M, this is the last think you need - just remember how many true friends you have, and also that a bully is a nutter. Here's to getting her out of your space! Have you read People of the Lie?

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  27. You are one strong woman! Your beautiful sons are so blessed to have you and I can tell from your blog that they are growing up into incredible young men. Good job! Anyone who would bully you must be so terribly insecure and jealous of you. Take care of yourself and your lovely family. I love your blog!

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  28. Damn right it's not ok!
    Here with you, beside you, barracking for you always!
    xxx

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  29. Good Lord A-M, I realised from your blog you had some nasties out there, but had no idea this one was so extensive! It is NOT OK, and calling a bully out on their actions can prove an excellent learning tool for them. Well done.

    Of course, if it doesn't....... there's always Karma... and she can be a total b@#ch! :)

    I shall wear orange today for solidarity!

    Lisa x

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  30. Hi A-M
    Oh no I must say I've been put off my blog because I realise you open yourself up to BULLYING. I wonder if we read her vile comments if blogger outrage from all of us would help. Go away all the nasties start a nasty blog.You need it.
    Kind Regards
    Karen

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  31. I'm with you all the way on this A-M.

    Am going to work with tweens and teens this afternoon on a wonderful school-community project and will be donning my brightest orange and white scarf and orange accent top.
    Hopefully someone comments on it and I'll try to weave the anti-bullying message into a general conversation.

    Power to you Lovely!
    x

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  32. A-M that is despicable, its hard to believe there are actually people that behave in this manner. I experienced this type of behaviour when I divorced many years ago. Its surprising how people will pretend to be your friend & then stab you in the back for their own pleasure when you are at one of the most lowest points in life. Best of luck ridding yourself of such a lowlife!!

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  33. sue her butt off bullying is not good whether you are a kid are a not it is a crime

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  34. Hi A-M
    Well I'm sorry to hear you have been dealing with all this on top of life in general.. and good for you to stand up to this sort of behaviour. I find it mind blowing that adults partake in this sort of bullying behaviour.. How can we expect our children to understand it is unacceptable when the adults around us are playing the game also.

    I've been so absent from blogging this year with personal matters and obligations and am so grateful for the blogger friends who continually look in on me to see if I'm still ticking.. It's those people who give me hope when others come from left field with bullying tactics which defy logic and I can only assume are taking advantage of my absence.

    Hang in there.. I'll have to rustle up some orange to wear this week..

    ciao Julie

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  35. It is absolutely NOT OK! and I just wish we could all out this nasty person for who they really are. They do not deserve to have anyone follow them as a blog friend under the false pretence that they are a lovely nice person. Because it is just not the case after what they have done to you! Friends by any sense of the word would never do such a thing! I have changed my shirt to orange for you A-M. Be strong, and, as they say, karma is a b***h!
    Have a great day.
    x Jode

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  36. Well done A-M for keeping on going. I love reading your blog and it is often the first place I go in the morning.

    I have spent the best part of 2 years dealing with a bully like this and let me tell you - it is more about her and how horrible and ugly she feels about herself than about you. I agree with everyone else's comments, it is not cool to bully but standing up to it is the best thing you can do.

    R xx

    NOT FOR POSTING: I also know an excellent PI who is based in the GC - Mick Featherstone. Top bloke who is always helpful if you need it!

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  37. BULLYS are not happy people. BULLYS are the people who have BIG issues and their lives are so full of misery that they need to make others feel the same way.
    WOW what a piece of work.
    Unfortunately we come across these types of people throughout our lives but they dont last long it always catches up on them i am sure.
    Say NO to bullying
    Pen x

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  38. Hells bells! That's just despicable and outrageous...
    You just keep on doing what you're doing with those wonderful sons of yours and hold your head really high.
    x
    PS in a much less dramatic personal incident recently my mantra became "good things happen to good people"

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  39. Wow A-M. Some people are not worth the air they breathe. I cannot understand why people can be so nasty. I've experienced nastiness indirectly in my own family, and it is not pleasant and it is NOT OK, especially when children are involved. This person needs to take a good hard look at themselves and see that what they have done to you and your family is WRONG. It is NOT OK.

    All power to you, A-M. Karma will get them in the end.

    xoxo

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  40. What a dreadful story! I am so sorry to hear that you've gone through this dreadful experience. What a maelstrom! You sound strong & stronger in the aftermath. You know you can walk through fire now. I wish peace & gentle times ongoing for you & yours. Orange it is - & I'll send you some good vibes as I wear it.

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  41. I felt ill to the core reading this - you don't deserve it one bit A-M. She is vile, nasty and will wither away lonely and un-noticed as life will bite her in the #@#@ for being such a hideous piece of wors!

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  42. A bully is an insecure, jealous, selfish person, that has nothing better to do than channel their negative energy onto someone else.

    You are a mountain of strength, positive, creative, thought provoking, encouraging mother, daughter and friend. You radiate confidence and love. Bully to them and hooray to you.

    Vx

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  43. All I can say is she sounds like a nasty piece of work!

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  44. Bullying is right at the top of my list of pet hates. As hard as I try, I cannot really understand why anyone would want to deliberately hurt another person. I'm sorry you had to endure this, but you are one gutsy lady. Love to you and your boys.

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  45. So sorry to read this AM, people can be very mean spirited. I truly do not understand why someone would deliberately go out of their way to cause such pain to others.x

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  46. Unfortunately bullies don't always grow out of it. Full credit to you for rising above it! Yes i will be looking for some orange tomorrow too!!

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  47. I will be wearing orange for sure!!! My son is in year 5 and he has been bullied by various children throughout his school years, it seems to be never ending!!

    I thought bullying ended at school but sadly it seems it doesnt!!

    Stay strong A-M!! xx

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  48. More power to you A-Me
    You know my thoughts on this fiasco sweets
    True friends stick together.
    You'll look fabo in orange!
    xxxx

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  49. Oh what a tangled web we weave ...

    Talk about a huge effort one person went to.

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  50. Guess I missed this. How nasty of that bully. You had enough on your plate with floods and upheavals, you sure don't deserve a bully too. No wonder your little guys are so good with you as an example. Go orange!

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  51. I meant to say hideous piece of work - not wors- but wors sounds bad as well so she can be that to! It sounds like a nasty rash actually so probably vert apt! All power to you A-m - sock it to that cretin!

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  52. I am so sorry (and very shocked) that such a person could behave in such a deploreable way A-M. Your bussiness is just that.... blogs are about enjoying the snippits that the author wants to share and if someone isn't impressed then you don't 'follow them'. Easy. That this person was an close and rare trusted confidant and has gone to such lengths is very sad and they are obviously mentally unstable. I hope your orange outfit is neon bright and makes the statement you need it to.
    x KL

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  53. I am shocked that someone felt the need to bully you of all people. I have been following your blog for a while now and you seem like the nicest most genuine and caring person. Someone who I look up to!

    Your boys too seem like such beautiful people which is a refection on the type of person you are!

    People who feel the need to bully are so low and pathetic.

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  54. It continually amazes me that there are people out there who are so small minded and mean spirited. What a deeply unhappy woman she must be and I cannot help but feel rather sorry for her as there must be no real joy in her life at all.
    So NO IT IS NOT OK!!!
    Blow I wore my orange shirt today and there is no way I can wear it tomorrow but I do have an orange scarf so around my neck it shall go.
    Bless you and the boys and my fondest wishes to you all
    Jules xxx

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  55. Absolutely unbelievable that people behave like that. They must have such low self esteem and so little else to do to create something like this.
    Good for you to stand up for your self and I will try hard to dig up something orange for tomorrow. I will have to look deep in those drawers, maybe there are a pair of earrings at least?
    Anette :-)

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  56. Good on you A-M. Bullies are powerless when they are outed for the cowards they really are. We all need to speak up and not tolerate it. Orange it is then x

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  57. I still find it hard to believe that nice people who have blogs that share happy times and decorating tips etc. have nasty commenters trying to pull them down. We all know that it is the bully who is insecure and jealous and wants to make them feel better by making someone else feel bad. Totally unacceptable. All I can say is we expect our children to behave in a manner that is acceptable then why on earth can't an adult behave like a mature adult. Onwards and upwards...divorce is hard enough without all that negative disgusting behaviour....

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  58. Imagine waking up in that person's body each morning... Let's pity her for her uphappiness and jealousy and bitterness. All the while celebrating the fabulousness of A-M!

    Orange on my bag, orange on my Bulgari key-ring and orange on my toe nails! Whoo hoo! AND...it's Friday!

    xx

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  59. I am speechless. What sort of person does that? And why? Stay strong.
    Sharyn

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  60. What?! People (sadly) never cease to amaze me. I understand bullying is usually the result of jealousy and/or insecurity so I suppose I should ideally feel charitable towards the perp. Having witnessed bullying on several occasions over the years however, I know the profound effect it can have upon the victim, so my charity flies out the window. Good for you, for outing this bully.

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  61. Woah, that is so crazy! One would assume bullying is limited to the schoolyard. Unbelievable that an adult could behave in such a manner! What a horrible experience for you.

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  62. I am sorry to hear of the troubles you have faced A-M and to think someone you thought of as a friend manipulated and abused that frienship and trust. It is the lowest of the low. But once again, you have risen above it, you are demonstrating to your children how to stand up to these people and fight clean and fair. THAT is inspirational.

    Suz

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  63. A powerful post. Well done, you.

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  64. It is indeed not ok! Great way of handling this A-M,
    Take care,
    Maureen x

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  65. oh A-M, I had no idea you were dealing with such nastiness. I am so, so sorry. Please know that we all love and adore you and that your friends are here for you.

    xoxoj.

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  66. A-M,

    I'm shocked that you have been treated so cruelly! That scumbag will get hers one day but in the meantime you have a global community of friends who admire and respect you. Keep your head held high and remember that you are not alone! Sending you hugs from Washington, D.C.

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  67. Good God! She's the lowest of the low. Despicable! As if you weren't traveling a rocky road to begin with! I hope karma comes full circle in this lifetime to her. A picture of Gollum emerges in my mind as I think about the type of person she is.

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  68. Well thats just terrible A.M how some one in your life could do that its shocking I am so glad you caught her out. Karma comes & bites you in the end.
    Well lets hope the next 12 months now are full of happy & trustworthy friends. take care xxx

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  69. We all hear about these pieces of work yet can't actually believe it when someone like this enters our life...probably bc we most likely want to see the good in everyone... But whether its blog land or elsewhere there are horrible people out there..... Just a quick thank-you for sharing your world with us...never thought of it as being so dangerous and wish u all the support in the world

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  70. I'd say that person is a just a little demented.

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  71. A-M 1, Bully 0. You will always come out the winner. How strangely flattering though that someone would spend so much time and energy trying to hurt you. It must be consuming all her days. Poor thing.
    I wore orange too yesterday, despite it not really being my colour.

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  72. It never ceases to amaze me how far envy will drive some people - in a very negative direction. We have a serious tall poppy syndrome in this country and I am just so tired of it. I'm sorry that you've been through this, on top of everything else. What remarkable strength you've displayed, again. Lots of love to you..Rachaelxx

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  73. I sure hope that with is reading all of your comments. If you told her something in confidence you did so because you trusted her as a freind. I thought that junk stopped after high school let out. So sorry to hear this is happening to you. There is no escuse for this type of behavior. She will answer to someone higher then us someday. hope it was worth it to her to degrade a fellow human.

    Hugs to you and your boys!

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  74. I meant witch in my post and she is a witch

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  75. A-M good for you for standing up for yourself, and for plowing through the year even when things got tough. I was one of the ones that had a message from the bully (although to be honest I no longer remember anything that was said) and I didn't really understand the full impact of that until now. Three cheers for you.

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Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave me a comment. I love hearing from you. A-M xx