Saturday, May 12, 2012

Homesick For Where?


I just realised, haven't blogged much about where I am living now. Hmm, why's that?  

I'm unsettled. I seriously miss West End and the hustle and bustle of inner city life. It's funny.... because it's where I spent a very sad period in my life. You'd think I couldn't wait to get out of there... but West End healed me and sustained me when I was vulnerable and heartbroken. I got to know 'me' again in West End. I'd love to head back there in the not so distant future. I'd be closer to my house build for a start.....but the boys are joyous out here in the suburbs....with the neighbourhood kids and weekend nerf wars and billycarts and street cricket.

This spot, above, is the half way mark in my morning run (looking back up the river to Tennyson) where I always stop to catch my breath and chat to whoever is walking past at the time. 


I still get to run along the river, just like West End... except there's no Bill to stop and chat to.... and no Justine to wave to... and no little old Greek men sitting on their porches waving to me every day, rain, hail or shine. Yeah, I miss the place. I go back every Friday to hang out in Justine's and chat to Bill... but it's not the same as living there.

If I did go back, it wouldn't be the same anyway. I'm in a different head space. I wouldn't see it through the same eyes. I leaned on West End when I needed her and all her 'supporting cast'. Time has passed. Things have changed. 

Am I homesick? I think I am. But homesick for where? Where am I supposed to live? Home is where the heart is, yes, my loved ones are with me and I'm surrounded by my things..... but I don't feel that I am physically home yet..... wherever that may be? Maybe my heart is still looking for home?

Is anyone else out there searching for home? 

Photobucket

21 comments:

  1. Oh A-M I'm sending you a hug. You will feel at home when the roots are established again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, I believe way down deep inside we all search for that perfect place, that safe haven .. home.

    Maybe one day I will travel again to your part of the world and when I'm out for my daily power walk pass you by, stop and chat.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know that feeling all too well my husband has moved away from 12 months just after my Dad pasted away and even though I have my gorgeous babes with me and my pretties...I'm still feeling just alittle lost...life keeps me busy but when I have the chance to stop that feeling sinks in...but one thing I have learnt is that nothing stats the same...this too will pass and I will again feel at home. Sending lots of warm fuzzy vibes to you A-M xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think that is the great existentialist question of the twenty-first century A-M! Home isn't a place.

    ReplyDelete
  5. A-M like another said earlier once you put down some roots when you finish your house and move in, then you will feel like you have a home. i find renting hard myself as being a Cancer, i need to put down roots and make my house my home, a nurturing place for me and mine. The boys are happy and thats a blessing, having two boys of my own (and a baby now). Give it time! Much love, Cathy

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think Tricia Rose has hit the nail on the head.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have lived in 5 different States in the last 17 years. I love exploring and there's no better way to explore different parts of the country than to live in them. Home is definitely where you make it. You are an inspiration and I admire how you have been able to pick yourself up and explore on your own.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey A-M, I'm in exactly the same space as you. Living somewhere temporarily while I build a new house after a crazy period, but this isn't home and I feel constantly displaced.

    I see your pics and I know where you are as that was once my home area, but it doesn't feel like home either as that was a difficult period of my life.

    I crave to have the house built and my little boy and I settled in, but in all honesty, not sure if that will feel like home either.

    I just take one day, one week and one month at a time and make the most I can out of it and lean on my fabbo friends and family whenever I need to.

    Giant hugs on your journey honey, home is definitely wherever the heart is. xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Anne Maree

    Check out my blog today for I am hoping to start reading Pia Jane's My Heart wanders. Maybe some soulful reading inspiration for you too. That wanderlust spirit vs the homebody in all of us creates mayhem for us sometimes. Take care of yourself and I hope you soon discover the new beauty around you. Kindest Regards
    Shell - A Darlings Nest

    ReplyDelete
  10. Totally understand exactly how you are feeling.
    Renting has made me feel this way. Nothing is yours.
    we dont potter or dust (lol)the way we should.
    looks like it will be a little longer for us too as we found out yesterday that the frames they were ment to arrive on MOnday havent been paid for and they now want us to go to our bank for a early payment. OMG. Husband is onto them now and will be staying on them.
    Not happy AT ALL
    sending love to you too.
    Pen x

    ReplyDelete
  11. I moved from Highgate Hill 7 years ago and it took me AGES to get used to where I am now. I felt so out of sorts for about a year.

    But AM home is where my son is, and I know that is where your home is too- with your boys.

    Looking forward to the house x

    ReplyDelete
  12. OMG your words hit me like a tonne of bricks... I have commented a few times and write alot on the decorating forum about my Rome....It is my dream house that MrRR and I have slaved over, designed and ownerbuilt over a very long time (hence why we call her Rome)... We have built this house to suit our every need especially for Mr6 who is profoundly disabled..... I have dreamt of this house much like u and your house.... and now I have been living in Rome for three weeks and feel very unsettled and just not how I thought I would feel.... MrRR said the same and Mr4 is asking when we can go home.... Weird Weird.... it is so pretty has all our lovely things finally out of storage and yet this feeling....

    ReplyDelete
  13. A-M, give yourself time, maybe only now are some wounds being healed? Also, when your dear boys are grown and hopefully have beautiful families of their own, West End may just be the place to spoil your grandkiddies! We too,are unsettled, hoping we can become settled on a few hundred acres one day, the dream of a large cattle property is so far out of reach these days sadly for my mustering crazy husband. Enjoy your search for being settled, so many wonderful things to live for in our beautiful country.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh A-M I know that feeling now and with a little bit of luck and a little bit of magic we may both find it! Sending hugs J xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Happy mothers day to a gorgeous mum.xxx

    ReplyDelete
  16. I've been searching for "home" for years. It's been that way ever since I began traveling. Right now I keep thinking that home for me will be moving back to Saskatchewan but I don't know if that will pan out. Right now I'm content in Edmonton though so I'll hang on to the feeling as long as it lasts.

    Thank you for the gorgeous pics of your new neighbourhood. Have a great weekend!

    XX
    Andrea

    ReplyDelete
  17. A-M, my father once told me when I was feeling unsettled in life, questioning all at the time " you have your health my dear, and that is the most important". Only now, many years later, when good health is the only thing I wish I had, do I fully understand his wise words.
    Happy Mothersday to you, your boys are so blessed, and you deserve each others love.
    Hugs to you
    Colette

    ReplyDelete
  18. MMM LOVELY PICS:) I really like your blog and Im now following..I hope you will follow me also:)

    If you want some swedish decor inspiration, you can check out my blog:)
    Have a great week.

    LOVE Maria at inredningsvis.se
    (Sweden)

    ReplyDelete
  19. For me I've had many different homes. I've cared for each one in different ways. To be honest that wonderful feeling of THIS is home I've never had since leaving the area I grew up in. Where I live now is actually nicer but you can't replace history. We just need to focus on the history we're making right now.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I had 'HOME' once...inside my heart. I haven't had it since, and I'm not convinced I will ever have it again! I tried to 'GO HOME' once before too. It didn't work. Like you, I was in a different headspace and I saw it through different eyes! You can never go back... Sad that really! Not fair! I wish I could. I am still searching. We built 4 years ago (our second build) and I am not home yet... We've listed it on the market at least four times... I am lost... I don't know where Home is... how do you find it?

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave me a comment. I love hearing from you. A-M xx